"To get over someone is easy. To get over your own stupidity for letting them mess with your head in the first place, is not."
hye darls. how are you? lama tak update dis blog. haha. well, 1st n foremost, aku dah start sem4 in actuarial sc dekat UiTM. 1st time nak sem4 since diploma pon sampai sem3 je kan. then buat fast-track. honestly, aku macam takot sikit sbb dis sem lecturer semua awal2 dah warning yang semua subject susah. i mean those subjects yg ade ASC code laa. english tak tau lagi sebab last class which suppose to be our first class dah canceled. tapi xkesah laa..life will go on. hehehe.
btw, macam quote dekat atas tu, of course laa semua orang kenal at least someone yang pernah mess up kan your life kan. kalau korang cakap takde, tak best laa. tak adventure. hahahaha. as for me, alaa benda ni dah biasa dah. dari kecik2 berebut mainan. bila masok boarding school, dibuli dan membuli tu perkara biasa laa untuk budak2 asrama. sebab tu tough. LOL.
actually aku nak cerita ni. few days ago, kerana telingaku sangat sensitive terhadap bunyi2 persekitaran, aku dah tertoleh to somewhere bila dengar one not-dat weird sound. bunyi pintu je sebenarnya. haiih telinga, kenapa mesti sensitive? kan dah terpandang perkara yang tak mahu dipandang. then disebabkan aku terpandang tuuuut, maka terjadi lah awkward situation yang tak disangka-sangka. so aku berpura-pura senyap dan berfikir. hehe. i hope ive covered my awkwardness well.
but, during that silence i asked myself "what is happening? i thought i had forgave this person.." for a while, i told myself that its alright. let bygone be bygone. we are human. people made mistake. just forgive things that hurt you. and love only people that love you. tapi~~~ cakap memang senang dari nak buat. even diri sendiri nasihat diri sendiri pon tak berjaya jugak. hmmmm.
i dont know why, that awkward situation kacau aku not only for a while. i keep thinking and thinking again, what is happening? what i really want? the next day, masa aku online tbe2 playlist maen lagu 'sorry seems to be the hardest word'. ok sekejap. paused. apesal laa aku ni? tapi aku realized sorry is not the hardest word. when you really mean it, you will have courage to say it. with all your heart. dats what we call bertaubat. tapi maaf tu susah. nak memaafkan orang tu susah. it takes a lot more than just courage. it takes infinite sincerity. kalau kita mintak maaf dekat orang, and in future kita ingat apa salah kita, we will become a better person. tapi nak memaafkan orang tu susah. kalau orang tu mintak maaf, then in future kita teringat balik kesalahan orang tu, hati kita akan terguris balik. so i can say, bila kita nak memaafkan seseorang its like we need to delete dat hurtful memory together.
tapi masalahnya i am kind of person dat can forgive but hardly forget. especially if looking at you reminds me of what you have done. aku ingat lagi, ade one of my friend told me, aku ni jenis yang senang nak let go. dats not correct bro. i keep everthing within me. and thus, the least thing i can do for myself is not to remember. sebab tu aku banyak senyap. bila orang ajak berbual benda2 yang sensitive aku banyak elak. abaikan~ or ignore it dah jadi my bestfriend in handling benda2 nih. sebab aku rasa dunia ni banyak sangat drama. so, aku malas nak pening2 buat drama gaduh2. haha.
lastly, untuk drama awkward tadi, that person is forgiven. but im having trouble to forgive myself for letting you walk into my life n be a friend dat stabbed me from my back. you hurt me once. and i got my lesson. :)
to you darls, be yourself as nice as you can. dont be someone else. and wait for my next entry. ill post something to make your life easier. hehe :D
